BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
