I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize