Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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