I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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