You work out of a Hotel?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This is my gift to your gina
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
