That's intense
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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