highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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