Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
