last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
