If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
