Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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