So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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