his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
