I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
