I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
