My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
