So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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