i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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