I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
