why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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