I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
