EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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