I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Shame - the story of my life.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
