Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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