she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
