goodnight i made you a song goodbye
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
