Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize