Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize