I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
