The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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