I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
