I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
This toilet bowl is my home.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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