Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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