i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
