I murdered the dance floor call the cops
4 words: hood of his car
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
