Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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