i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize