im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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