She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
