there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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