I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
