she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
