that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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