if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
