i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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