I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
