WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
