my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
