May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
