Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize