Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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