he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize