Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Someone shit on the floor
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
