Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
