I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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