My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
