I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
