It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Where is the hickey?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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