Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
