I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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