I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
