Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
