I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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