Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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