Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
