I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
