Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
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