flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
