I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
