there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
